Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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