you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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