I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
