i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She's the barista slut.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
