Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
