just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
