Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize