i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
