our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
