im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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