i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
