I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
