Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
