All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize