His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
