first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
