youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who died my cat blue again?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
