I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
