I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
