my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
