i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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