I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My ass is underappreciated
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
