its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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