well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
