I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm getting married
To pizza
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
