Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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