More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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