guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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