What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
