do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
