i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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