life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
