Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
