I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I AM VODKA MAN
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
