Can i not drive my cunt home
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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