just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
