matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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