he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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