Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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