If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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