I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
