3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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