Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
sex in a hospital.. check
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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