Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
