I accidentally burped into my bong.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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