you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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