The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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