remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
