Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
