I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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