One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
