im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
